You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
