I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
