suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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