i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
