I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
