yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
