i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
