I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
