How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
