Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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