Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
