I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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