you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
