The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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