Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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