His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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