are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
