I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
