I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
