so that wasnt chicken after all
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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