I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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