Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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