her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
