i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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