I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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