Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

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(973): View more from New Jersey

when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

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(614): View more from Ohio

you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"

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(916): View more from California

It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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(815): View more from Illinois

i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot

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(517): View more from Michigan

Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.

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(757): View more from Virginia

He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.

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