So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
