nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this is an emotional support booty call
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
