Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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