I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
