Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
