is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
