walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
