Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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