meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
