yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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