this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
