doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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