I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
