Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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