How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
