Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
