Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
