Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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