we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
