Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
