I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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