Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize