I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk is a universal language darling
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