I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
