Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
