he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
