True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
