i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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