He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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