**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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