Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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