I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
