There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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