My liver just broke up with me...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
