Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
