My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
