there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
