my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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