I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
