So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
