For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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