when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
