so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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